Day18: Experiencing Life Together

 Experiencing Life Together

Each one of you is part of the body of Christ,

and you were chosen to live together in peace.

Colossians 3:15 (CEV) 

How wonderful it is, how pleasant, for God’s

people to live together in harmony! 

Psalm 133:1 (TEV)

Life is meant to be shared.

God intends for us to experience life together. The Bible calls this

shared experience fellowship. Today, however, the word has lost

most of its biblical meaning. “Fellowship” now usually refers to

casual conversation, socializing, food, and fun. The question,

“Where do you fellowship?” means “Where do you attend church?”

“Stay after for fellowship” usually means “Wait for refreshments.”

Real fellowship is so much more than just showing up at

services. It is experiencing life together. It includes unselfish loving,

honest sharing, practical serving, sacrificial giving, sympathetic

comforting, and all the other “one another” commands found in

the New Testament.

When it comes to fellowship, size matters: Smaller is better. You

can worship with a crowd, but you can’t fellowship with one.

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Once a group becomes larger than about ten people, someone

stops participating—usually the quietest person—and a few

people will dominate the group.

Jesus ministered in the context of a small group of disciples. He

could have chosen more, but he knew twelve is about the

maximum size you can have in a small group if everyone is to

participate.

The Body of Christ, like your own body, is really a collection of

many small cells. The life of the Body of Christ, like your body, is

contained in the cells. For this reason, every Christian needs to be

involved in a small group within their church, whether it is a

home fellowship group, a Sunday school class, or a Bible study.

This is where real community takes place, not in the big

gatherings. If you think of your church as a ship, the small groups

are the lifeboats attached to it. 

God has made an incredible promise about small groups of

believers: “For where two or three have gathered together in My

name, I am there in their midst.” 1 Unfortunately, even being in a

small group does not guarantee you will experience real

community. Many Sunday school classes and small groups are

stuck in superficiality and have no clue as to what it’s like to

experience genuine fellowship. What is the difference

between real and fake fellowship?

In real fellowship people experience

authenticity. Authentic fellowship is not superficial,

surface-level chit-chat. It is genuine, heart-to-heart,

sometimes gut-level, sharing. It happens when people

get honest about who they are and what is happening

in their lives. They share their hurts, reveal their

feelings, confess their failures, disclose their doubts, admit

their fears, acknowledge their weaknesses, and ask for help and

prayer.

Authenticity is the exact opposite of what you find in some

churches. Instead of an atmosphere of honesty and humility, there

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is pretending, role-playing, politicking, and superficial politeness

but shallow conversation. People wear masks, keep their guard

up, and act as if everything is rosy in their lives. These attitudes

are the death of real fellowship.

It is only as we become open about our lives that we experience

real fellowship. The Bible says, “If we live in the light, as God is in

the light, we can share fellowship with each other. . . . If we say we

have no sin, we are fooling ourselves.” 2 The world thinks intimacy

occurs in the dark, but God says it happens in the light. Darkness

is used to hide our hurts, faults,

fears, failures, and flaws. But in the

light, we bring them all out into the

open and admit who we really are.

Of course, being authentic

requires both courage and humility.

It means facing our fear of

exposure, rejection, and being hurt

again. Why would anyone take such

a risk? Because it is the only way to grow spiritually and be

emotionally healthy. The Bible says, “Make this your common

practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so

that you can live together whole and healed.” 3 We only grow by

taking risks, and the most difficult risk of all is to be honest with

ourselves and with others.

In real fellowship people experience mutuality. Mutuality is

the art of giving and receiving. It’s depending on each other. The

Bible says, “The way God designed our bodies is a model for

understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent

on every other part.” 4 Mutuality is the heart of fellowship:

building reciprocal relationships, sharing responsibilities, and

helping each other. Paul said, “I want us to help each other with the

faith we have. Your faith will help me, and my faith will help you.” 5

All of us are more consistent in our faith when others walk with

us and encourage us. The Bible commands mutual accountability,

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Real fellowship happens 

when people get honest about

who they are and what is

happening in their lives.

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mutual encouragement, mutual serving, and mutual honoring.6

Over fifty times in the New Testament we are commanded to do

different tasks to “one another” and “each other.” The Bible says,

“Make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual

edification.” 7

You are not responsible for everyone in the Body of Christ, but

you are responsible to them. God expects you to do whatever you

can to help them. 

In real fellowship people experience sympathy. Sympathy is

not giving advice or offering quick, cosmetic help; sympathy is

entering in and sharing the pain of others. Sympathy says, “I

understand what you’re going through, and what you feel is

neither strange nor crazy.” Today some call this “empathy,” but

the biblical word is “sympathy.” The Bible says, “As holy people . . .

be sympathetic, kind, humble, gentle, and patient.” 8

Sympathy meets two fundamental human needs: the need to be

understood and the need to have your feelings validated. Every

time you understand and affirm someone’s feelings, you build

fellowship. The problem is that we are often in so much of a

hurry to fix things that we don’t have time to sympathize with

people. Or we’re preoccupied with our own hurts. Self-pity dries

up sympathy for others. 

There are different levels of fellowship, and each is appropriate

at different times. The simplest levels of fellowship are the

fellowship of sharing and the

fellowship of studying God’s Word

together. A deeper level is the

fellowship of serving, as when we

minister together on mission trips

or mercy projects. The deepest,

most intense level is the fellowship of

suffering,9 where we enter into each

other’s pain and grief and carry each other’s burdens. The

Christians who understand this level best are those around the

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Every time you understand 

and affirm someone’s feelings,

you build fellowship.

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world who are being persecuted, despised, and often martyred for

their faith.

The Bible commands: “Share each other’s troubles and problems,

and in this way obey the law of Christ.” 10 It is in the times of deep

crisis, grief, and doubt that we need each other most. When

circumstances crush us to the point that our faith falters, that’s

when we need believing friends the most. We need a small group

of friends to have faith in God for us and to pull us through. In a

small group, the Body of Christ is real and tangible even when

God seems distant. This is what Job desperately needed during his

suffering. He cried out, “A despairing man should have the

devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the

Almighty.” 11

In real fellowship people experience mercy. Fellowship is a

place of grace, where mistakes aren’t rubbed in but rubbed out.

Fellowship happens when mercy wins over justice. 

We all need mercy, because we all stumble and fall and require

help getting back on track. We need to offer mercy to each other

and be willing to receive it from each other. God says, “When

people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won’t give up

in despair.” 12

You can’t have fellowship without forgiveness. God warns,

“Never hold grudges,” 13 because bitterness and resentment always

destroy fellowship. Because we’re imperfect,

sinful people, we inevitably hurt each other

when we’re together for a long enough time.

Sometimes we hurt each other intentionally

and sometimes unintentionally, but either

way, it takes massive amounts of mercy and grace to create and

maintain fellowship. The Bible says, “You must make allowance for

each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you.

Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” 14

God’s mercy to us is the motivation for showing mercy to

others. Remember, you will never be asked to forgive someone

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DAY EIGHTEEN:

EXPERIENCING

LIFE TOGETHER

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else more than God has already forgiven you. Whenever you are

hurt by someone, you have a choice to make: Will I use my

energy and emotions for retaliation or for resolution? You can’t

do both. 

Many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don’t

understand the difference between trust and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do

with future behavior.

Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a

person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time.

Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you

repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive

them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them

immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them

to hurt you. They must prove they have changed over time. The

best place to restore trust is within the supportive context of a

small group that offers both encouragement and accountability.

There are many other benefits you will experience in being a

part of a small group committed to real fellowship. It is an

essential part of your Christian life that you cannot overlook. For

over 2,000 years Christians have regularly gathered in small

groups for fellowship. If you’ve never been a part of a group or

class like this, you really don’t know what you’re missing.

In the next chapter we will look at what it takes to create this

kind of community with other believers, but I hope this chapter

has made you hungry to experience the authenticity, mutuality,

sympathy, and mercy of real fellowship. You were created for

community.

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Day Eighteen

Thinking about My Purpose

Point to Ponder: I need others in my life.

Verse to Remember: “Share each other’s troubles and

problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” 

Galatians 6:2 (NLT)

Question to Consider: What one step can I take today

to connect with another believer at a more genuine,

heart-to-heart level?

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